Humility Sucks

Humility Sucks

God humbled me greatly the past 10 days and I hated it.

note: My wife, Grace Anne, and I are RUF Interns at Vandy. A big part of our jobs is getting to hang out with students.

I was STOKED for students to arrive, but was slowly becoming more and more anxious about our 1st event. I had been riding the high of the summer; getting married, honeymooning, 4th of July with Grace’s family, moving to Nashville, fundraising was going well, expecting the ride to smoothly continue into the school year. However, that was not that case. I was really nervous to meet parents and their incoming freshman students. It was a long night full of firsts; “where are you from?,” “why did you choose Vandy?” It seemed fake. I wasn’t feeling it. This is usually Houston Clark’s jam. I mean JAM. I love meeting new people and getting to know them deeply fast. So when I wasn’t feeling it, but I thought I was supposed to, I just got down on myself. By the end of the party, I was tired and did not want to be there. I did not know what was wrong with me. Something had to be wrong because I was supposed to be feeling and doing great at this point.

The next day, Saturday, was even worse. It seemed that I couldn’t put two words together, I didn’t want to hang out with people (they scared me!), I didn’t want to serve my wife…I just wanted to sulk and loathe the fact that I wasn’t feeling my usually peppy self. But of course “life goes on,” so I had to fake being happy over meals with students, giving introductions at our first Large Group meeting, etc. It sucked.

I told our boss how I’d been feeling and he confidently thanked God for my “funk” by calling it a “severe mercy.” What?! It seemed so “Christiany,” of course what I think is bad is actually God working in my life. I did not believe him at first, and still struggle to, but the gospel was becoming more real to me. My boss continued by saying: my funk came at the perfect time, just as I was preparing to build a kingdom for myself using what I thought and still think are my gifts…God loves me too much to allow me to live such a lie. But you see, the problem is that I love living that lie because it makes me feel good about myself. I get such energy and happiness from getting things done, dreaming big, motivating others, meeting new people, and so much of this is futile. The point of life is not to get more done, dream bigger, develop professionally…these are strivings that have no end and ever so slowly numb us to God’s far greater plans for our lives. The point of life is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and that can be done right now because of Jesus’ complete saving work on the cross. If you believe in Jesus, there is not a dream job, a trophy husband/wife, an awesome vacation, a degree from a prestigious institution that can even compare to the abundant life offered in, through, and by Christ. This has given me such rest from my constant strivings and I hope it does the same for you.