Breaking Glass

Jesus was really cool. I mean that. No matter what He faced, He kept His face. He answered the antagonists with precision. He talked with a wanton woman at a well with wisdom. He saw right through the Pharisees farces. He seemed to move from one place to another without stressing out, without confusion, and without one single awkward moment.

Jesus didn’t break things (well, maybe those turned-over tables??) and there’s not one recorded moment where He tripped over something.  He preached from a boat! Can you imagine the stability needed to keep that thing steady? He was just stable.

Enter the uncoordinated. Sometimes I’m aware of just how awkward I am. In the moment I see myself like watching a sad comedy. You know the kind… one minute you’re laughing at how insanely funny a bungling human can be (can you say “Mr. Bean”?!) But the next minute you are aware of just how pitiful the poor soul is. A person like this is never quite comfortable in his/her environment and people around don’t know what to do with someone who’s hands are flying in midair while expressing an opinion. I want to be chill, cool, calm, collected. But I tend to be awkward, jittery, and butterfingered. I break things on a daily basis—glass things. I suppose my “aura” would be dark green with tinges of viridian.

Some have told me I have an “energy” that is emitted through my hands. Whatever.  I only know that this has caused a label on my life. It’s called clumsy. I want to rid myself of this scarlet C, but the more I focus on trying to be gentle, the more I stress over it, the more I break things.

But I’m so very attracted to Jesus’ affable demeanor. I deeply desire to be like Him.

I have concluded that the secret of Jesus’ anchored posture is that He was secure. Well, of course He was secure…He was GOD! But, in His humanness He “emptied Himself”. He felt human emotions, walked in human skin, and He could have been awkward (!). But He consistently looked to the Father and therein lays my remedy. My graceless mannerisms continue when His grace is not appropriated. Focusing on self does nothing for self esteem. My body language is increasingly a reflection of focusing on the Body that was given for me. Truth steadies us by giving us confidence and wisdom. Understanding that I’m no longer that “clumsy little girl”, but a precious daughter made in the image of her Creator clears out the clumsy and replaces it with poise.

Now I may still break things more often than I’d like. I still trip over my own feet and fall up the stairs. That’s the “thorn” of sorts. But the condemning voices have fled at the Father’s call, “Be still and know that I am God…” I no longer ponder the broken in great condemnation. Instead I laugh.

And I remember that He will “restore all things”. Yes, even what seems irreparable. Even me.