When Doubts Creep In

Doubts suck. They creep in like stealthy monsters, lurking in every space of your heart. Lingering, trying to dethrone Christ, and make unbelief your god. Doubts are exhausting. They are debilitating, trying as hard as they can to suck up every last bit of living water within you. Creating instead, a dry desert. Building for themselves empty, withered cisterns. They corrupt your senses and try to crumble your foundation. You begin to lose sight of truth, and you begin to feel as though Christ is far off. Doubts are real, and they are wearying.

The monsters of doubt have crept into my own life. They were so subtle. Why, Lord? Why do I find myself suffering from unbelief? Psalm 42:1-5  has become my heart cry:

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you cast down, O my soul, why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

In the watches of the night, and the glimmers of the mornings, it is Christ’s word that has been my sword. His truth is fighting the monsters of doubt inside of me.

Why are you cast down O my soul? Why are you in turmoil within me? HOPE IN GOD; for I shall again praise you, my salvation and my God.

David doubted, Thomas doubted, Gideon doubted, Sarah & Abraham doubted – there are countless stories in the Bible of God’s faithfulness, renewing the doubt and unbelief in His children. One of my favorite stories about doubt in the Bible is in Mark 9. It is the story of the boy with the unclean spirit. The boy’s father doubted Christ’s ability to help his son, saying to Jesus, “But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus replied, “if you can! All things are possible for one who believes.” Immediately following Jesus’ reply the man cries out (I can imagine it as almost a shriek, a heart call), “I believe; help my unbelief!”

Help my unbelief, Lord. Help all of it.

I believe God is faithful. I believe, because I am in Christ, he is fighting the monsters inside of me and whispering in my ear, “Remember me. Remember my faithfulness. For those who love God, all things work together for good” (Romans 8:28). Doubt will creep in, and it is Christ that squashes the monsters and renews our strength.