If you have ever heard your child use an expression that nobody in your house says, you have already encountered the influence of friendship. Someone at practice, in the classroom, or on the other end of a headset has contributed something new to the family vocabulary. Sometimes it is funny, sometimes it is irritating, and occasionally it gives you a reason to ask a few more questions.
Our children are learning from people besides us every day. They notice what earns a laugh, who gets included, how people handle disappointment, and what makes someone worth admiring. Over time, those relationships help shape what they consider normal, desirable, and true.
Proverbs 13:20 puts it plainly: “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Friendship carries us somewhere because the people we spend time with influence the people we become. As fathers, we need to take an interest in who is walking alongside our children.
We already make decisions that shape those relationships. We choose activities, arrange rides, register for camps, and decide whether there is room for one more child at the dinner table. Those decisions create opportunities for friendships to deepen, which means the family calendar deserves our attention for reasons beyond making sure everyone gets where they need to go.
One of the most useful things a father can do is help make home a place where friends want to gather. Keep something in the pantry that teenagers will actually eat, learn their names, and be willing to tolerate some noise. When children feel welcome in your home, you have opportunities to know them that you will never get from asking your own child how things are going.
Volunteer to drive when you can, and occasionally turn the music down enough to hear the conversation. Get acquainted with other parents, coaches, and the older students your child admires. Approach those relationships with curiosity, remembering that every child who comes through your door is also someone who needs encouragement and grace.
Our responsibility also includes helping our children become good friends themselves. Ask whether they notice the person being left out, keep a confidence, or have the courage to disagree when the group is heading somewhere foolish. A child who can recognize kindness in others also needs practice extending it, especially when doing so costs something socially.
There will be friendships that concern us, and some situations will require clear boundaries. Even then, we can explain our concerns without treating another child as beyond God’s reach or making our own child afraid to tell us the truth. We want them to learn discernment while knowing they can bring complicated relationships into the conversation.
This week, think about the three or four people exercising the greatest influence over your child. Consider what you actually know about them and where you could become more involved. An invitation to dinner or an offer to drive may give you a place to begin, and it may also give another child a father’s encouragement they have been missing.
