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The Four Big Questions

The Four Big Questions

I’m coming off an amazing weekend advance. Some call them retreats. I call them advances.

During our time together, we talked about the fact that there are four fundamental desires that all humans have.

  1. To Be Loved
  2. To Have Worth
  3. To Belong
  4. To Contribute something Meaningful

These fundamental desires pretty early – like REALLY early in life – turn into four fundamental insecurities. They turn from desires to questions.

  1. Do you love me?
  2. Do I have worth?
  3. Do you accept me?
  4. Do I have what it takes?

From there, we set out to get answers to these questions. And the answers we get often screw us up big time. Like:

  1. If I act a certain way, you will love me.
  2. If I achieve a certain standard, then I have worth.
  3. If I fit in, then I will be accepted.
  4. As long as I am better than others, then it is ok if I don’t have what it takes.

These get formed in us through the Critical Moments in our lives. These moments turn into Deep Stories that created Thick Belief Structures by which we see ourselves and see others.

The problem is that these Thick Beliefs feel really true. And we gather evidence to support them. Why is that a problem? Well, because they AREN’T TRUE.

Are you loved? The answer is YES! Period. That’s the whole point. God loves you!

Do you have worth? The answer is unequivocally YES! God calls you a treasure, worth a King’s ransom.

Are you accepted? The answer is emphatically YES! God invites you to be a member of his royal family.

Do I have what it takes? The answer is again YES! You are more than a conqueror. In Christ, you are equipped to stand your ground against whatever life throws at you.

What needs to happen is that we set aside the lens by which we are seeing things and exchange it with the lens of God’s perspective.

How about you? What critical moments have formed your way of seeing? What deep stories are you believing? What would it look like to exchange your lens with God’s?

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Ned Erickson

Ned is the Founder and Executive Director of the Winston-Salem Fellows, a non-profit dedicated to equipping people to live seamless lives as they grow into the men and women they were created to be. He is the author of four books, including the critically acclaimed novel Clay. He, his wife, two children, dogs, rabbit, guinea pig, turtle, and chickens live in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.

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