Do You Have Problems?

Do you have problems? I do. I have lots.

The more I pray, the more I realize I hardly pray at all.

The more I know, the more I realize I know nothing.

The more I seek him, the more I realize I do not know him.

The more I read about him, the more I realize I do not understand him.

The more I look upon him, the more I realize I have not experienced him.

The more I follow him, the more I realize I go my own way.

I am convinced that the further we go with Jesus, the more we grow in awareness of our own wickedness.

All of my problems stem from my lack of belief, not in God, but in what he says about my and to my. I fail to trust his promises. I fail to wait for him. I trust myself instead.

I now understand – I do not know him! I simply do not! My mind overflows with information and knowledge about him, but who is he? It is an unsearchable mystery for me. How I long to know him. I hunger and thirst to understand his love for me and my blood-bought identity.

Who am I? In him, I am someone altogether different than who I believe myself to be. I know I am dirty. I know he is clean. In my heart of hearts, I want to become like him. I want to be with him. I rebel and I sin and I confess and I repent. Even in that, what my entire being truly cries out for is him. I clearly still lack an understanding of the meanings of believe and trust, because I constantly fear and fall in unbelief.

The way back to him, the way to understanding, the way to boldness and strength, which weaves through calamity and affliction and failure, dead-ends into simply believing him. Just to take him at his word…to trust him and believe in everything that he says about me. About my past, about my present, and about my future. I want to drop my anchor into that. I want to live a big life that looks circumstances in the eyes and does not blink because I know my life and I know what counts and I know who rules over the heavens and the earth. That is true power. And it is a power that comes from a gift that only God can give, which is Christ himself. Ask and receive.