Can you love 2 people at once? Bachelorette Style.

It’s baaaaaa-aaaaack!  The Bachelorette premiers this Monday night and with it the hopes and dreams of many people to find that special someone.  And I’m sure some weird occupations will rear their ugly head but will they beat Dog Lover, Donated tissue Specialist (carrying a cooler), Chicken Enthusiast, or Pantsapreneur?  Check out some funny lists over the years:  HERE, HERE, AND HERE.  There might not be a Bachelorette that has the vast and widespread support that JoJo does.  I think she found a special spot in America’s heart after being so horribly duped.  (How is Ben still America’s sweetheart?  He did a dastardly deed telling 2 women he loved them).

You know how the old proverb goes:

Hell hath no fury like a woman told on live TV in front of millions of people “I love someone more than you.” 

Is this possible?  Can you love 2 people at once?  I wondered this when the trainwreck happened last season.  It was actually before the last episode.  The seeds of travesty were planted when Ben told 2 women he loved them.  Even if this were possible, it is the worst idea ever.  Worse ideas than the Blackberry, New Coke, Subprime mortgages and Blu-blockers put together!  So can you be in love with 2 people at once?

We need to define our terms.  What does the term people mean?  Just kidding, what does the term “love” really mean?

Is love a feeling, an action, a commitment, an ethereal romantic notion, or a farce?

Love is a choice.  It is not without feelings but it is bigger, deeper, and more profound.  It is a commitment.  And when we are talking about loving our spouse, it is reserved for one person.  Can you be “in love” with 2 people at once?  Yeah sure.  You can have strong feelings of attraction, chemistry, and desire with 2 people at the same time.  This is difficult to accomplish in real life because it is difficult to build up to these feelings with 2 people at the same time.  The Bachelor doesn’t just give it space, it encourages it.  The “out of sight, out of mind” mentality that each contestant needs to employ to make the reality show work allows the heart to focus on whoever is in front of it at that moment.  But this does not mean you can “love” (the verb) 2 people at once.

99% of arranged marriages do not end in divorce.  Over 50% of “free-will” marriages end in divorce.  How is this?  I would think it would be the opposite.  Of course a big factor is the culture that the marriage happens in, but even where divorce is permitted and the spouses feel like they have an alternative, the stay-together rate of arranged marriages smashes free-will by a long shot.  Proposal:  Let’s have arranged marriages in the U.S.  But who would get to arrange it?  Parents?  Most parents don’t like their kids’ spouse anyways.  No, in our hyper-individualistic society, this would never work.  I’m only mostly kidding.  One thing this shows is that you can choose to love someone.

So to recap:

Can you be “in love” with 2 people at once?  Yes.  Difficult but yes.

Can you “love” 2 people at once?  No.

Here’s why:

You can have feelings of love towards more than one person romantically.  If you’re talking about real love, then no.  Because love is an action.  You can say anything you want but love will be determined by your actions.  And you can’t love 2 people like that.  Because it is putting them first.  Before yourself.  Before anyone else (BAE).  That’s the very definition of love—having someone who is your highest priority.  How can you have 2 romantic interests both being your highest priority?  One will always be the one that you “love” as a verb.  If you try and love 2 people like that, it doesn’t work.  Reality has rules against it.  It implodes.  Your heart is torn in two.  (see last season of The Bachelor)  There is confusion, pain, brokenness, and devastation.