Sometimes it’s so difficult for me to understand my life. Why would God begin to work something if he is not going to finish it? I have many questions. Many. But, there is one thing that I know. He is God. So, he is good. He sees everything. He knows everything. He is going to give me everything that I need, when I need it, and how I need it.
Sometimes I don’t believe him. It feels like he only wants to fix my heart through discipline or heavy season after heavy season. After two to four years like that – when I don’t get what I want, without a clear way for my football career, and without a healthy body – it tests me. It tries my belief and my love for God. Do I love him? Or only what he can give to me? Do I believe that he is faithful? Or do I only sing about it on a Sunday? To I pray to honor his name in my life and in the world? Or am I only interested in my own life? It’s hard for me to say.
But, through everything, I can say that I am thankful to him that I can ask myself these questions. They are the most important questions that you can answer. Who is God to me, and who am I to God? How you answer these questions can change a life. If you answer correctly and live from that place, it can give someone freedom and power in every situation. Without that, life is a long and difficult trip without light and without hope. No one wants that.
I can only push on and continue to search after him and all the plans for my life. After two times in Sweden, in seven months, I learned the language, I understand the culture and the people, I have many new friends and a new perspective on church and life. God gave me all of that. He did it. I pray that he will do it again. That he will give me more years of football. More years for his Gospel. And more opportunities to become close to him.