From My Mother’s Womb
- April 06, 2016
- Lori Travers
Guest post by Lori Travers
I was surprisingly struck in a place of pain today as the congregation bellowed out the worship song, “No Longer Slaves”. It’s like a light shot through my head and I was awakened to a stark, yet beautiful reality that brought me to tears. The particular verse I’m referring to is “From my mother’s womb You have chosen me, Your blood flows through my veins”.
I didn’t think much of the events surrounding my own birth…well, I don’t remember the events surrounding my birth. But from the time I can remember my mother reminded me on the day of my birthday, year after year, that she was less than thrilled to be found pregnant with me. It went something like this: Oh, I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. The doctor told me, “Mrs. Miranda, you are going to have a baby!” Well, at 42 I wasn’t very happy and I started to cry. But the doctor said to me, “There are things we can do about this…” Well, that made me want to keep you. I’m so glad I have you!
This little exchange can be quite confusing when you are in those developing years…and beyond. On one hand she told me she was happy to have me. On the other, she was frightfully opposed to the idea. As an adult I have had to learn how to keep this dialogue in perspective. On a human level I was not a “wanted” child. A “not-wanted” child spends most of their life desperately trying to gain significance and affirmation from anyone who will take the time to notice. But all these ideas are buried under the very human efforts we use to gain that significance. We get so busy or sleepy or stoned or used, that we never really THINK about why we are living in such negative emotions and damaging behaviors. Being a “not -wanted” translates into friendships (feeling always left out or passed over), romantic relationships (believing you don’t deserve a good one), work relationships (they would never want to hire me for that job), and even your own family relationships (They don’t want me in their lives…I have nothing to offer). It’s all lies but until that soul-wound is healed, it continues to gnaw away at the person you could have been. A whole lot of emptiness remains.
I realize the expression “but God” has been overused, but it is nevertheless a wonderful truth that has changed the course of my “not wanted” life. He reminded me in sort of a dream/vision once when I saw myself being physically born and my mother looked away. Thankfully the vision presented my sweet Jesus in the very same L&D room with His arms outstretched ready to receive me. And THAT He did! My little body, wrapped in a receiving blanket was encircled in Love. I was born “from my mother’s womb” in blood and water…cold room…stainless steel surroundings. Yet Jesus…warm, welcoming…Father/Mother love. Now HIS blood flows through my veins.
My mother was confused, my father was distant and detached, and I was left wanting in confusion. But God has chosen me. In the convoluted journey called “my life”, in these later years, God has shown me that I am not mistake. He brought me to this broken world to reflect Him. I have purpose and all the affirmation I will ever need is provided by my Maker.
To those of us who were less than favorably received as newborns, can I give you some hope? God uses human wombs to birth us, but it is the “new birth” that defines us. As we allow His Spirit to remake us, we become free from the shackles that suppress us from moving forward in life. As His life-giving blood moves in us, the womb that held us back, no longer does. We are now called to be a child of God with a bonus of sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, and mothers and fathers in this crazy, marvelous thing called the Family of God.
So, let the water break. Labor Day is here. You and me…we are wanted.